Pet Peeve: Ladies on Stretchers

I run a high class salon, and I'll help anyone who asks. But how can I help the women in stretchers? They can't get into the shampoo chair and they can't sit in the barbers chair. So how can I help?

I am not sure why these women go around in their motorized stretchers rather than wheelchairs. I can work on someone in a wheelchair, but not someone lying in a stretcher.

And why don't they get tickets when they are on the street? They can't speed but they take up the whole sidewalk or get in the way of the cars. I don't understand why they have to be so inconsiderate.

Serial Killers Are No Match for my Scissors

I make extra money doing haircuts at the local penitentiary. When people find out, they ask "Hey Amber, aren't you afraid of the murderers, rapists, and psychopaths taking advantage of you or killing you?" And I always answer the same way, "No."

Why should I be afraid of them? I'm the one with the scissors. If those felons think they can push me around, they got another thing coming. I may be tiny and beautiful, but I can cut a man so bad that the blood loss will make him unconscious in less than 10 seconds. What are you going to do to me in that time, Mr. Big Time Scary Felon Man? Nothing, that's what. Because while you're wondering why you're feeling light headed, I can continue stabbing you with my scissors until you scream like a little girl before passing out on the floor in a heap. So don't mess with me.

Anyway, I give awesome haircuts and really know how to bring out the best looking features of even the guys with the really gross faces. If anyone ever touched me, they'd get themselves killed in the shower within a day or two.

I love cutting hair and helping people feel better about themselves. Even with the really unattractive people, I can give them a style that shows off their best points while detracting from their hideousness. It's a gift and I'm glad to share it with people. You may be stuck with an ugly face, but that doesn't mean you have to have an ugly haircut.

Cheap People

So today this guy comes off the street to ask about setting up an appointment. Then he says that he doesn't want to pay too much for a haircut. Well after I tell him the price, he starts saying he only wants a little taken off and his hair is really short anyway, and he starts haggling over the cost. I mean, excuse me, but the price is not negotiable. It's not like the cost is based on the number of hairs we cut. You're paying for the hairdressers expertise, not the shortness of your hair.

Why do people think they can say they want a cheaper price to cut their hair? Do these people do this everywhere? Do they offer the grocer part of the price of their food because they don't think the food is worth that much money? Do they offer the restaurant half of what dinner cost because they didn't eat the whole meal and only wanted a little of the appetizer? What is wrong with these people?

Look, do us all a favor and if you want a cheap hair cut or your hair is really short and needs a trim, just go to a barber shop. Or why not ask a homeless person to do it? They're always standing on the corner with signs asking for money. Give them five dollars and a pair of scissors and I'll bet they'll give you exactly what you ask for - unlike the professional hairdresser who just charges way too much. Wah wah wah.

Hello!

My friends told me to start a blog because there are always weird people coming in to where I work. But now that I'm here, I'm not really sure what to write. I am a hairstylist and I'm always trying to help people look better. Sometimes people don't really care how they look. I just don't understand that. Why not be as beautiful as you can be? Everyone can be beautiful if they put the time and effort into it. Often when people are strange looking, there is a way to show off their most attractive feature or camoflage their bad features. Why be ugly when you can be the most beautiful you that you can be? Get the right clothes, makeup and hair, and you can be on American Idol! Well, I guess you'd have to be able to sing, but all I'm saying is everyone can look better with the right attitude and fashion tips.